Why would anyone choose to be angry? For those who do not suffer from irrational anger then that is an question with an simple answer, choose differently. Those who suffer from irrational anger, however, know that saying it and doing it is different matter altogether.

The thing is, everything in life has a multitude of underlying causes, which are not so obvious. We may know what pushes our button and the consequences of that, but just like a stormy weather, there is more to it that meets the eye, most of which are far removed from the actual event. 

Another way of putting it is if we imagine a seed, which along with the soil, nutrients, water, temperature and light becomes a sunflower. But when we look at the sunflower itself, we can no longer see the seed, nor all of the many other causes of it either. Anger and stress is similar.

Here is a fictional example. Little Simon was running through the house, fell over and broke an ornament. His parents being of an angry demeanor scolded him and called him a stupid boy and sent him to his room. Simon got upset and felt sad. This is the inception of the ‘I am stupid’ belief. It happened in similar ways on many occasion, because Simon was a young child and that’s what children do, and because his parents have anger issues and have unrealistic expectations. At school, like all of the other kids, he naturally didn’t always get everything right, but instead of learning from his mistakes Simon took his failures very personally because the thought of him being stupid appears in his mind. Further feelings of embarrassment and shame occur and Simon starts to feel isolated and detached from others. He becomes frustrated at himself and disruptive in an attempt to communicate his sadness and to become noticed, but this causes further problems at school which deepens and justifies his belief of him being useless. This idea becomes fixed in his mind and he grows up with underlying doubts about himself. The sad consequence of this is that adult Simon feels very angry, insecure and judged. His behaviour is aggressive and irrational and he’s confused and blames others for everything. He is imprisoned by his past but he doesn’t really understand why.

Many people have grown up like this because their parents and later their peers were not perfect.

But there is hope

We can understand this because our present emotional experiences and cognitive thinking are greatly determined by past causes and or experiences, which led us to think and feel in a certain way. However this can be changed by coming to understanding what went on in the past and how we have bought into the idea of what others may have thought of us and how we unwittingly believed it ourselves.

You see the mind simply reflects what goes in to it and as children we are very vulnerable to that. But as adults we can, with effort, change the direction of our mind, so to speak. Mind is also spacious like the sky, but by applying various types of meditation we can gain insight, which begins to remove the clouds of our disturbing thoughts and emotions and replace them with clarity and joy.

I am testament to that. Like gold encased inside in iron ore, we can remove the hard exterior of our disturbing emotions and thinking, and free the precious qualities that abide inside.

At Anger and Stress Management SOS we offer Programs which are accessible and available to everyone. For further details on what we provide and how it may be of benefit to you, please Contact Us to book a free consultation.